In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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