wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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