I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
