i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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