So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
