I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
