when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
