Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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