ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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