Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
