i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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