Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
