we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
