why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?