i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
