i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
