i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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