whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think my tv is drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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