Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
