I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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