No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
