ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
