saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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