drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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