I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
