let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
