Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
