I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
