Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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