Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she told me i tasted like america
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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