Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
