10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
