Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
