You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize