VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
