You smell like stripper and shame
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
