Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
