Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
