Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
