going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize