Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
