i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
