battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
