Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
