You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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