Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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