i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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