I must be too annoying 4 u.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My ass is underappreciated
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
