My liver just broke up with me...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker