I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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