Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just gift wrapped bread.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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