You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
