Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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