So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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