you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
