you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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