Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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