Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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