He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
