This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
