Pants 0. Shit 1.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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