I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
