Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
