i don't like sucking hair
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
