She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
