I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
