I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
