Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
