one might say we're banned from that church
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
