i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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Vodka?
Forever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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