I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
