You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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