I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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