i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
