i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
