I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
