Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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