the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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