Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
