I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
