I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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