Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
