After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
